New Year Blues

I wasn't going to write about this and get too personal on the blog, but this is a sort of online diary on the happenings of our family. I read a lot of infertiltiy/multiple birth b/c of infertilty blogs and I now understand how they have felt posting and exposing their personal struggles on a blog. I feel that I need to share this... I have realized that it has only helped my sadness to talk about this heartbreaking personal experiance.

Well the Ziaja Family had quite the interesting Christmas holiday. The day after Christmas we found out that I was pregnant. Then New Year's Eve day, the pregnancy ended in a miscarriage or what they call a chemical pregnancy (basically a very early miscarriage.) five days later, while in Jamaica. We went to the onboard doctor who wanted to make sure it was not a ectopic pregnancy (fertilized egg in the Fallopian tube... I would have had to fly back home immediately and have surgery to remove the egg.) and we had to get clearance to come back on board to the ship. Onboard if I were to have severe bleeding they don't have the resources to deal with that. So we had to go into Jamaica and wait half the day in a clinic and get an ultrasound. It turned out I didn't have an ectopic pregnancy and they couldn't find any traces of baby on the ultrasound... but I was only barely four weeks and it was too early to tell anyways. It was a very scary experience. Both the onboard doctor and the doctor at the clinic both asked me why I took a test so early. At the time I was a little upset and insulted to be asked this question. I simply said I knew I was pregnant. I found out super early, but I had all the signs and symptoms. I also had my own personal sign because didn't want any alcohol on Christmas which was one of my first clues.... I didn't want alcohol the night I found out I was pregnant with Corbin.


This has been an emotional roller coaster for Jason and I. We had made all these plans with the hopes of this new baby. I was going to stay home for a year because the baby would have been due at the beginning of September. We were finally going to sell this house and move up to North Austin so we could be closer to Jason's work.

UPDATE: (I wrote this on Monday the 5th and finally decided I was brave enough to post this today, the 10th.) I had a blood test at Dr. Kuhlmann's and the nurse called me back yesterday (Friday), to say that everything was "taken care of" and my HcG levels were back to normal and they don't need to do anything else. I was finally was getting to the point to where I was busy and not sitting here dwelling that my body 'rejected' our baby and I wish I hadn't got that call.

The question we keep getting from our family and a few friends that knew is "Are you all going to try again soon?" Since the pregnancy was a shock to us , I now have "baby fever." I would love to try again soon. Jason has a different view he wants our family to have a firm financial grounding before we try again. So basically no, since it takes two people to want the baby, it will be awhile before we try again. I guess if I am honest with myself as well, I don't want to be 28 and basically be finished having our family. Jason and I were excited though that we will be our mid 40's by the time Corbin and the new baby would be in college and we would have an empty nest. We've also decided that we aren't going to take Corbin growing up for granted and cherish every moment we have with him because we are so blessed to have him in our lives. This truely opened my eyes to how many things can happen when trying (or NOT trying as in our case and we had our surprise) to have a baby and we are so lucky to have Corbin.

I don't think we could have gotten through this without the love and support of our family. I know we only knew for five days but it was still a hard blow to take. Our families are wonderful and it makes me feel so blessed to know we have such a wonderful support system.